Jokes and Humour Forum

How do you make a duck into a soul singer?


Put it in a microwave until it's Bill Withers!!!!!


sorry, couldn't resist

 

I don't get it... can you explain in detail?

 

Please stay on topic. This thread is for jokes.

 

Where's Gutterman then ???

 

From live at Regents Park

 

There were these twin sisters just turning one hundred years old in St. Luke's Nursing Home and the editor of the local newspaper told a photographer to get over there and take the pictures of these 100 year old twin biddies.
One of the twins was hard of hearing but the other could hear quite well.
The photographer asked them to sit on the sofa.
The deaf one said to her twin, "WHAT DID HE SAY?"
"WE GOTTA SIT OVER THERE ON THE SOFA!", said the other.
"Now get a little closer together", said the cameraman.
Again, "WHAT DID HE SAY?"
"HE SAYS SQUEEZE TOGETHER A LITTLE".
So, they wiggled up close to each other.
"Just hold on for a bit longer, I've got to focus a little," said the photographer.
Yet again - "WHAT DID HE SAY?"
"HE SAYS HE'S GONNA FOCUS!"
With a big grin the deaf twin shouted out, "OH MY GOD - BOTH OF US?

 

I don't get it...

 

I dont think we should make jokes about people's sexuality. Thats private stuff.

 

You mean The Ketchup Song??

 

A man went into an urologist and told him he was having a problem, as he was unable to get his manhood erect.

The doctor checked him out then told him that the muscles around the base of the organ were
damaged from a previous viral infection and there was nothing he could actually do for him.

However, he knew of an experimental treatment that might work, if he is willing to take the risk.

The treatment consisted of planting muscle tissues from an elephant's trunk into his 'old chap'.

The man thought about it for a while. The thought of having to go through life without sex was too much for him to bear.

So, with the assurance that there would be no cruelty to the elephant, the man decided to go for it.

A few weeks after the operation, he was given the green light to go and try out his newly renovated equipment.

As a result he planned a romantic evening with his girl friend and took her to one of the nicest restaurants in town.
In the middle of dinner he felt a strong stirring in his loins that continued to the point of being extremely painful.

To release the pressure he unzipped his fly and his knob sprang out, slid across the top of the table,
grabbed a bread roll and returned to his trousers.

His girlfriend was stunned at first, but then with a sly grin on her face said, 'That was incredible! Can you do that again?'

With tears in his eyes he replied, 'I think I can, but I am not sure if another bread roll will fit up my arse':helllo

 

Ha ha ha ha ha .. nose coffee

 

"You can't give a real sword to a child!"
"Why not, it's educational."
"What if he hurts himself?"
"He'll learn a valuable lesson."

 

Yikes! have you been speaking to my ex husband?? We had a very similar discussion about a pocket knife..

 

No, just a butchered quote from Terry Pratchett's Hogfather.

 

I heard something really unsettling tonight about mental health problems in women.......apparently 25% of women in Canberra are on medication for mental health issues....


which can only mean that 75% of them are running around out there with NO medication !!!

FMDOMGWTFBBQ !!!

 

There are those of us who choose to medicate and those who choose to be single .. lol

 

+1 What a call!