My journey through depression

I have suffered from severe depression, anxiety and been told lately PTSD. I have attempted suicide and was on those pills for most of my married life. The last day I took one of those pills was the day I left my husband. I'm not saying he was the cause, but I grew up enough to be able to stand on my own two legs and fight this head on. My final reality hit when I had a fight with my Mother and lost all my family, even my kids in the end. My partner cheated on me and left me stranded up in Queensland with no support anywhere nearby. When you hit rock bottom, there just aint no where else to go but up. I couldn't look at someone without bursting into tears. That's saying a lot for someone who hates crying in front of people. I have the most amazing cousin. Him and his daughter drove up to Queensland and brought me and my belongings back to his place in Newcastle and put me up at their place till I could start fending for myself. I learnt how to drive a school bus ... bloody kids. Tristan moved back to live with me. He's my saving grace (but don't tell him that). We decided to move back to Canberra to be closer to my other kids.

I learnt that I am responsible for my actions and if I want to get through this then I have to do it. After a few long conversations about a passion I have always had (but never had a chance to fulfill), my very good friend in Sydney basically told me if I wanted it then go get it. He talked me into going for my Learners and got me into the bike forums. He then saw an opportunity to get me a bike, rebuilt it and trailered it down to me, all on his personal time. The feeling of being on the bike is amazing and certainly helps with morale.

If anyone feels the need to chat, I am a good listener (my fee is minimal and I am happy to bulkbill).

 

I like to see peeps being open & honest about this stuff.

The more peeps talk about it the less stigma is attached to it.

Every time I've spoken about it & my experiences there has always been someone else that has been affected as well.

I fort depression and it still rears it head some days, I also was diagnosed as ADD at the age of 32, by our marriage councillor (still trying to sort the drug side of things out with the Doc's).

My wife also has a long standing neck injury that has taken it's toll on her mental health, as so she has been through multiple break downs with depression & anxiety.

As so I can vouch for these guys, they have helped us out more than once:
CATT Mental Health Triage Service on 1800 629 354 (24 hour service) or (02) 6205 1065.
http://health.act.gov.au/c/health?a=&did=10051295
Professionals that will come to your house and make sure every one is safe, till you can get to your doc or support systems, be it over night or over a weekend.

The more open we can be about this the easier it is for people to talk about it, the easier it will be for your loved ones to find the right help they need to get through what every is on their plate.

enjoy

 

If you end up starting a charity ride or a donation type thing, I'll donate my new helmet (Shark Racer Pro R) to the prize pool or whatever goes on.. not sure, i just always see prizes being handed out at these things
Plus I'm all for these charity type things

Just let me know otherwise i'll just end up selling it.

P.S Good on you guys for sharing these kinds of things with the world/community, can't say i've been though it myself, but i've had mates who have, and its a really hard thing to admit for most people.

 

I went to post this some days ago but it was when the site was having problems. I haven't read all the posts since but I want to add my post regardless. I think the more people who talk about their experiences the less stigma there is and it might just help someone else. Following is what I wrote last week and saved in a Word doc when I couldn't post it.

I rarely read through a whole thread; but this is something close to my heart. It affects us all in some way. My family and I have been deeply touched by suicide and depression!
I have suffered from depression as long as I can remember. In fact I have very few childhood memories; I could put this down to a number of things, as could many people.
I went onto medication at the age of 15. I was on and off drugs (over the counter and under the counter) until around of 33; after then I went onto the right medication for me and was on this for about 5 years.
I finally went off my meds for about 10 years however not only do I find myself back on meds, but the dose is now tripled.
I keep busy, I organise shit (as a lot of you know). I love having you guys (motorcyclists) around me but when it comes down to it, for me now, the constant inability to be mobile and active, the constant pain or threat of pain, is more than I can deal with.
There has been many, many times when my thoughts have turned to 'how can I escape this?' It's been the love and support of family and friends, whether they have realised it or not, that has kept me going.
Recently there was a campaign 'Are you okay?' that was promoted... don't discount that! Sometimes, simply being asked, 'Are you okay?' is enough to start a conversation... don't try and fix problems... just listen, hear, understand and give a damn!
If there was going to be support for an organisation, I'd support Black Dog!

 

Haven't read all the thread but to add my tuppence worth.

In the late 80's - early 90's there was many a time I thought about turning the steering wheel of the car into oncoming traffic. it was only the thought of what my kids would have had to endure that stopped it. I never mentioned it to anyone and fought though it all by myself - how? I have no idea. But I am here now so something obviously worked.

When my marriage broke down, 6yrs ago; I once again went throught those horrible feelings and again it was the thoughts of missing my kids weddings, grandkids etc that stopped me turning that wheel to the right just that little bit extra.

Friends help a hell of a lot even when they don't know it, being positive also helps (regardless of how hard it is to present that persona) and keeping the mind active; away from those dark thoughts. In the past 2 yrs I have done so much for myself that I have not had a lot of time to think dark thoughts - even though I know they are still there. I think myself lucky that I am alive today to have fun with my grandkids, to continue my study, to gain more licences (motor bike & HR), skydive, learn to dance ball room etc etc.. keep myself busy so those thoughts stay in the back ground and have lots of friends who care for me.

As Leen says - don't try to fix problems - you can't, just be an ear, a shoulder, a helping hand when required.

Just ask the question - Are you ok?

 

I came across this the other day and I think it sums up my thoughts quite well

 

MIZ thanks for sharing this; it's huge!
The first two paragraphs speak heaps; as does it all!
And, no need to apologise... your words are just great!
Thank you!

 

Here is one for us to get behind:
http://www.blackdogride.com.au/

BDR National 1 Day Ride (ACT leg)
Sunday 29th April 2012
Proudly supporting Lifeline
Mark it on your calendar and tell your mates- this will be a ride not to be missed!
Be part of a WORLD RECORD ATTEMPT for most Black Dogs on Motorbikes!


REGISTER for this awesome ride here: http://bdr1dayride2012act.eventbrite.com.au/

10.00am Lions' breakfast, check-in and mental health expo commences.
11.00am Ride Departs Canberra Motorcyles, Ipswitch St Canberra
Ride some great riding roads to the coast!
12.30pm Finish with lunch by the Lions Club on the beach at Bateman's Bay

Our Ride will raise awareness and funds for suicide prevention, mental health and crisis support services provided by Lifeline across Australia.

Register Here: http://bdr1dayride2012act.eventbrite.com.au to ensure you reserve your ticket and BDR mascot Winston!

Contact State Organiser Darrell on 0408-622-647 or email dazza@tucan.net

 

Maybe we should start an event thread so we can see who is going which might encourage others to join. I think i will be able to get along to this but it would be nice to do it with others from CR.

 

Good call Lebster,

 

Thanks for this thread everyone, it helped me make the decision to call the doc and get some help. Things are starting to get better and there seems to be a future to look forward to (which might include a hayabusa, but that is a different post ).

Once more, thank you to everyone who shared their stories.

 

+1 to above, minus the dr's bit... reading this thread gave me a new way to look at things, as i had no idea what was really happening. but i can say i have been feeling fantastic recently :thumbup altho i,ve been told i've been a bit of a cranky pants... don't know where that comes from...